Happy Birthday Dobert (Not a misspell, but an alias, if you've been paying attention!)
As I lie here on my deathbed, my last thoughts will be of completing one more blog. Actually I'm feeling quite better , thanks for asking. I tried in the last blog to be sweet and grateful for my bestest friends, and believe it or not that is what some of my readers found most humorist. So how does an Irish guy become best friends with 4 Italians and 1 German? (Ever hear of the Gay Mafia?, they are lethal with Sambucca bottles, spiked heels and razor-sharp sarcasm). And for those who are trying to match the real name to the nickname, you're on your own (But one of them is Cha Cha LaBucca, himself). So I tried sweet and it obviously wasn't a good fit, so there will be no more of that!
Yesterday was truly a day from Hell. I went out for the chiropractor at 11:45 and left the office to find my car had a dead battery. Not too great a surprise since this is the 4th time it has happened, and I continued to procrastinate. But like the Emperor with no clothes, I was without my cellphone. I ran back into the office and called my Knight in Shining Armor to come and save me and he hung-up on me! Well, I try again and get his voicemail, so I leave an urgent message. As I wait outside in the car with my Kindle (reading Kathy Griffin's new book, but of course.) As I watch the office staff hurriedly leave the office in the bitter cold, I stand firm knowing James is coming any second. An hour and half later, I venture out in to the intense freezing temperatures of Siberia (where the only thing I can see is Sarah Palin's house, but she turns me away you betcha). I then recall that there was a time we used payphones so i trudge off on my great quest. Well the first one had no reciever, the second was encased in some type of concretion (Okay I used a Thesauras) that I gag attempting to think of what it was composed, and finally the 3rd phone actually works. After I deposit my 50 cents (why I still have a dime in my sock I'll never know), I dial James' cellphone and get a cheery Hi, so I hang up. Cheery my ass,; I'd rather freeze to death! I make my way back too the parking lot and finally beg a jump (For The Car You Perverts, plus he wasn't that hot). Just as we try to jump the car my Squire in Tarnished Plating has arrived (After 2 hours he got demoted). I get the car started to rush home, shower, shave and head off to my new job. I have to start at 4 and arrive promptly to find the Boss is running 15 minutes late, Son of a Bitch! Well when I finally get into Sugars (580 Smithtown Bypass, Hauppauge just east of Rte 111, phone #631-366-2120; yes I know a shameless plug, but who said I had shame), I get right to work with my 4:30 regulars. Mike and Mark are two straight attorney's who have been coming to this bar and the 3 prior every day Monday to Friday. They are great guys who I have bonded with quickly, but they can't be too swift. They asked Jack, the Boss, after meeting me the first time, if I was straight or gay. Jack, knowing these guys well, says I'm gay and asks why they wanted to know? It seems I don't dress nice enough to be gay!! Yes that's right, from these 2 overweight, sweat-suit clad Project Runway judges, I'm not fashionable enough to be gay (Like they have the power to revoke my membership card). We have since got beyond that, and to their credit they owned up to that story the next time they saw me (Honest lawyers; who knew). Well I ran a decent business that night, with great gratitude to my sisters Maureen and Debbie, because gays will not come into the bar unless someone else is there. And Maureen and Debbie have been my devoted seat warmers; Oops-a-daisy getting sweet again. Well Robbie, who used to work there, came in and tried to give me pointers, which I took with a grain of salt from someone who got fired (excuse me, it was a mutual understanding). But I like Robbie, he is a quiet, friendly guy with a wicked side and a smoking body. By 11:30 my last customers left and the sinking sick feeling, ache in my back, and empty stomach kicked in, but I diligently stayed and spent my tips in the Juke box, on the video game and on medicinal Bucca shots. The day I got hired the Bastard Boss raised the employee prices by a dollar; which I am sure was no reflection on the Boss' impression of my drinking abilities.
After getting in bed by 4:30, I slept till 11:30 in dire pain and overstuffed congestion. I faithfully got to Pep Boys and got my battery replaced. I don't have to break down 5 times to get the point. I did my errands and had a very laid back day, Thank God. I have to rest up for a Bucca boy night tomorrow, which will be held at an undisclosed location (translation: I have no idea where we're going, and don't really care).
In the infamous words of Honore de Balzac (tee hee I said Balzac) "A flow of words is a sure sign of duplicity" and with that I say Tata for now! (and don't forget, Mondays at Sugars, 580 Smithtown Bypass, Hauppauge just east of Rte 111, phone #631-366-2120
I hear this is the new hit on videos, so I'll show it but Oprah and Chicago in my opinion have nothing on New York and London, So I hope you enjoy this thanks to Sugars Michael after 3 L.I. Iced Teas, but stayed tune to really see how to rock a place (even better then the Salvation Army Bucket in Detroit during Christmas)
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