Fire Island or Bust!

Well, Well, Well what a day. The weather was excellent on Long Island. It was truly a great day to be outside, and we took every advantage of that. We had Birthday Barbecue for my sister Moe (who obviously can milk a birthday; 5 days later, Oh Please!) and a intimate dinner for 2 on Fire Island (No one else would join us, Sob Sob).

After a morning of trying to get my back spasms under control, we head off fo Moe's 30th Birthday Bash (She was quite happy I fudged with our ages). Along the way James cursed out the Anti-Healthcare reform psychotic nuts on the side of the road (Hey, I was being nice), while I checked to see if Mom and Dad were there. Boy those people can dodge a car well; I was only testing to see if their current healthcare was satisfactory. We arrived for the noon party at 1 p.m. and are so shocked to see we are the 2nd to arrive (It wasn't the fact that no one was here yet, they never are; it was that my sister Eileen, her hubby, and Sean and Liam were there 1st). Everyone else slowly shuffled in, while I finally gave in and took the Vicodin. When the spasms finally do subside, everyone else is in the pool. Everyone is really having a great time until the Pool Nazi, My sister Lizzie, starts telling the kids that the splashing is getting people in the pool wet (people with logic, Please check it at the door!). Also the water toys should be put away when people are in the pool (Are they just decorative?). Well after several other orders, everyone complies because it is her pool, OH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S NOT! The Last Stand Band is also there, and my nephew Clayton was inquiring if there were any reviews for their band (so feel free to post nice things on Thursday's comments, THANKS!). Moe then broke into her impression of the wasp whisperer, which got better with each wasp to which she whispered (if whispered means crushed). Obviously my whole family must have heard about the blog because they were all on their very best behavior (which makes for a boring blog). The cakes then came out. Yes, Yes, I said cakes. There was also brownies (made with Lizzie's own hands, and my mother's own brownie mix). We then make our gracious exit having had a very relaxing time (besides me worrying about how I can make this interesting for the blog, Of Course).

Robert, my brother, and BethAnn offer to check on the Sparkster, "the Beast of the Belt Parkway", so we head directly out to Sayville for the Fire Island ferries. It seems we have our own fleet. We are really early, so we get on the ferry to the Pines quick, of course, to have the last person on the boat sit right in front of us. Well, all I can say, He must have missed several ferries while sitting at the bar (If you get my drift). He must have tried to hide the scent by dousing himself in Chanel no 69 (trust me, the mouth on the french whore tells me I got the right chanel), so I slip over a row to get fresh air. Jimmy soon follows. Between his mouth and the smell, the drunk's lucky he wasn't going to Cherry Grove; The Lesbians would have thrown him overboard! We exit the ferry last to wait for the air to clear from puddle boy, to be greeted by every make of drag queen. It was like Dorothy's entrance to Oz, just more falsies and horse hair. We pass up on cocktails (Yes, you heard me right, there were so many of them we went drinkless, Awful Isn't It!). We then walked along the shore from the Pines to Cherry Grove enjoying the most exquisite day of the year. It was really great: a cool breeze, a firey sunset, lapping waves, obese nude people. Okay not so perfect! The best was watching 2 nudies trying to feed a deer. Now I'm all for nature, but I don't want to be the one checking them for deer ticks, between their rolls of fat and other places I'd rather not think of. Don't forget to think of the poor deer; Who does he go to for therapy? (he's going to need lots and lots), Who pays? Can he sue for mental anguish? Sorry got carried away,; Where was I? We finally get to the Grove and sit for a Rum Runner at the Ocean Breeze before we dine on the outer deck at "Top of the Bay", sounds more intimate then it really is. Jimmy had the pasta, which was okay, while I had the duck, which was to die for. The service is excellent, with a great view of the sunset, and just great atmosphere makes for a wonderful night. It gets 3 1/2 red boas!. After dinner we took a last walk on the beach and caught the 9:50 ferry. We thought we'd stop for a cocktail on the way home, but "Mustang" John wasn't answering, and "The Grand Bucca" Bill didn't know what his boyfriend "Insatiable" (Long story I'll explain in an upcoming blog, prob Sept. 26th, his birthday) wanted to do. Oh really?! then why did Bill ask for something to do tonight on Facebook just earlier; He wears the shade of jealousy on him like Cha Cha LaBucca, and it ain't pretty or slimming! It all worked out for the best, since by the time we got home, Jimmy was wiped and I, of course, had a responsibility to you, my readers.

I came across these "Failblog.org" videos on youtube and found them to be for the most part Funny with a capital F. The cop video's are great, but my favorite is this one Honking Fail.



Hope you enjoyed and Tata for now.

Which way did he go?...The Wrong Way!

All my devout readers will be glad to know that I have adjusted the comments section to make it more accessible to all. For all praises and accolades please feel free to comment. For everyone else, once again, write your own blog..Hint, Hint Paul. I am slowly getting through "Blogs for Dummies", which you can recognize on the shelves by my photo, so stay tuned for new and innovative updates.

After P.T.(Phys. Terapy), I once again donned my Nanny hat, and set off to pick up Liam and Sean. I stopped off to pick up an assistant au pair, my nephew R.J. You'll be hearing lots about him in the future with school starting; I will become his mild-mannered tutor as he enters his Junior year of high school. His cousin Ryan joined us and after picking up the boys, and a slight detour to 7-11 for slurpies and coffee (can't possibly go caffeine free with kids on slurpies), we headed for Greenlawn. Progress is moving swiftly on the house: Attic steps have been put in, the office electric is done, and Dining room chandelier electric is set up. The guest room is now done (Unless your coming for a visit, then there's so much work still to be done. Maybe next year?) The boys had lunch and played Wii, and with R.J. and Ryan's help the boys stayed entertained and out of my hair. We then headed off for Miss Kitty's hair appointment. After dropping her off, we had Carvel and headed for Sean's/Liam's house. I, of course, make a wrong turn; My auto-pilot has me heading back to Kitty and Joe's. I only realized it, when the 6 year-old Sean pointed it out. Yes really! A six yr. old knows directions better then I do. I guess I need to go back and edit my old blog where I called myself an above average driver. After telling the back seat driver to be quiet, I casually corrected my error (telling him he was right would have underminded my authority) and dropped off the 4 boys. I then got Miss Kitty and continued our shopping from yesterday, or now known as "Purchasing Part II: The King Kullen Wars". With my afternoon over, I headed home for a long winters nap! I did get to see Jommy today, I hardly recognized him with his little boy haircut. He passed through to supervise the work progress on the house, then headed home. Any faster and I would have missed him

Cocktail for the day: Sapphire Ring Martini
2 part Bombay Gin
2 part Apricot Brandy
1 part Blue Curacao
1 part Real lime juice (if not fan of the lime bite cut to 3/4)
Chill over ice and serve in a Martini Glass

Or for Elmer any beer will do!

It's a true shame that "Pushing Daisies" was canceled. It had a great veteran all-round cast of Swoosie Kurtz, Ellen Greene, Lee Pace, and my favorite Kristin Chenoweth. No one will replace Olivia Newton-John in my heart, but Kristin comes close. Enjoy Kristin and "Hoplessly Devoted to You"



Tata for now

Driving Miss Kitty

Yeah Ya, I learned how to embed videos, so you'll need to log in to the official site if you want the whole ball of wax. The blog is really starting to shape up, and as they say it's all in the presentation. Last night I got stood up by Cha Cha LaBucca. We were supposed to go to Lux, one of the one night wonder bars (that only go gay 1 night only). I swore I'd never go to one, but they've gone gay a 2nd night so that makes it okay. It slipt his mind he would be in Boston. Wasn't that convenient, or is it that he'll do anything to get out of hanging with me (Can we say Jealousy, and he doesn't wear it well, clashes with his rhinestones).

I tried to sleep in late today, but the construction guys would have none of that. Do they make silencers for hammers? Today was driving Miss Kitty day. So I spent the afternoon shopping. Bonding time with the mother-in-law is so much fun! We really do have a pleasant time together. I also learn a little humility watching this woman care for her sick husband while dealing with her own debilitating pain. I'm in awe of her strength every day.The rest of the day was spent doing nothing at all. And I do that so well. I have a Phd in idleness.

I've come up with a way to combat the recent influx of Michael Jackson songs on the Jukebox. I've had it up to here (pointing at my chin) with the great celebration of a "tragic" figure. I now play "the lonely goatherd" from the "Sound of Music". It works so well you only need to play it once. It also has the added benefit of spotting the gays. I tell you from flaming queen to butch lesbian something about the song gets every gay yodeling.

I have the great pleasure of attaching my nephew Clayton's video of him and his band mate. The band is called Last Stand. He's the handsome boy in the black shirt. Looks like his uncle don't you think? What do you mean which Uncle, ingrates all of you!!! Enjoy! and Tata for now.

I just can't quit you

I find my mind spent today. It would seem that Nanny days are just not meant to be blog days, but I'll give it a gallant try. I had the boys again today and stopped over to see how Mr. Joe was recuperating. I think he was doing quite well, until there were 2 screaming boys in the house (and No I wasn't one of them). After failed attempts of quiet conversation, we were asked in the most courteous of ways to leave. "It wasn't really necessary for you to come over" doesn't sound too welcoming does it. We then headed to Greenlawn, where the boys were at 1st entertained by "pops'. You know those little exploding firecrackers you throw on the ground. If you don't then maybe you should reconsider this blog, it might be too advanced for you. Well that entertained them for 10 minutes. The tragedies of tragedies occured when they found out that the construction in the upstairs hall blocked them from playing Wii, the video game. Well that made for 2 very inhospitable children. Over the next few hrs. the question "Can we play yet" rang like Klaxon blaring every 5 minutes. Finally, Nana (My favorite mother, One of God's graces I only have 1) arrived to go to K-mart. The woman will spend 20 dollars in gas to use a 50 cent coupon. Actually we went shopping for shoes until the "I want this, it's only $48" echoed the store. It was a time for a time-out. After 10 minutes well spent, I tried the lecture you give a six year old. "There are kids in Ethopia without food" didn't work. "There are kids without shoes walking to school" didn't work. "There are sick kids who would love to have what you have" didn't work. Eureka, "Ask again and I'll smack your behind" worked. Quiet time was over. Well by the time they left I was done for the day.

On a brighter note, I spoke to Tom of the Detroit Sciclunas, and he is scheduled to fly to Denver to meet new beau Paul's family. It was kind of cute to hear how nervous he was. But I reassured him with their age differences, he'll have so much in common with Paul's parents. Paul is a sweet centered stewardess. Excuse me, Flight attendant (but that rolls off the tongue like washroom attendant, and they both usually treat me the same way). Paul has a sarcastic, sharp, biting, quick witted sense of humor, which of course I don't get, but he still gets the J2 seal of approval. "If you hurt Tom, I have guns" was a great ice breaker.

I also received a phone call from Holland America corporate offices. They assured me that the company does not in any way condone the way we were treated. Though there is no written policy, since they assumed the employees would just know to do the right thing. Mr. Greg Craig (yes that is his name) stated that a policy will now be written and any sensitivity training needed to be given will be done. I asked for a copy of the new policy, and a letter to reflect our conversation. I should receive both of those promptly, so lets all hold our breath at the same time. Ready, Go! I actually was impressed with the personal phone call and they have bought themselves one week before my poison pen flies.

Please enjoy the following "Love" story



and we'll be talking soon. Tata for now

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock

I'm so sorry for missing a day of blogging. I know this must have sent all my readers into a tizzy, fraught with uncertainty, bordering on deep depression, but not to worry all is well here. I was so wiped out, I had to miss my night out with the Bucca Boys, Grand Bucca Bill and Cha Cha LaBucca. See it was that bad!

Yesterday after therapy, physical not mental (we could spend a week of blogs on that), I picked up Liam (4) and Sean(6) and returned home to check on the progress of the house. We had the downstairs bathroom done prior to going away and the minor adjustments are now accumulating, but I'm sure with the possibility of redoing the bathroom upstairs, they will diligently correct them. Artsy-Fartsy Ken recommended Tom "the construction guy" to do the other rennovations. We "J2" couldn't be more pleased. Our living room is redone and it is absolutely fabulous. We put in a LED screen TV, with Bose stereo and a blue-ray disc player. Of course this accentuates our differences, I can't wait to see Jurrasic Park; Jimmy can't wait to see the series Dante's Cove, which is 1/2 bad soap opera and 1/2 soft core porn. It took awhile for us bumbling electronic savvy geeks to hook up the wires but when all was accomplished it was worth it. After watching the Big Bang Theory (should have hired them to hook up the TV) on the DVR, I was too spent to be amusing so I saved all of you from a subpar entry (Selfless I tell you).

Today was no better for interesting tales. While work continued on the house, I stripped the office so none of my Star Trek valuables would get damaged. I would never be able to replace my original Jean-Luc Picard bust. This room is up next to be redone. Sparky, the dog or as Jimmy calls him "the beast of the belt parkway" (referring to where Sparky was rescued from), had a vet appointment. Like his owner, he too has a bad back and needed steroid shots. He should take up Sambucca like me (It's so tasty too, just like candy). The lawn got an overhaul. I know the grass has gotten too high when I can't see the bare spots. After that the Twin (Yes, Yes, I have a fraternal, identical twin brother. I know that may sound contradictory, but it satisfies everyone) stopped by with my nephews. They approved of the living room, so I can now put my mind at ease that I did good.

Big Bang Theory: rock,paper,scissors,lizard,Spock


Tata for now

Happy Birthday Moe

I was contemplating resting this Sunday, but that would be comparing myself to God, and far be it from me to do that. I want to wish my wonderful sister Moe a very Happy, Happy Birthday. Being my younger sister, and me tipping the age scale at 31; must make it her 30th. Okay, so my scale's tipping a little heavier then that, but I'm positive Moe won't mind me fudging a bit. As an aside, I wish my sister-in-law Debbie a speedy recovery. No sounds of oinking yet so she should be safe from the swine flu.

Today has been uneventful. I spent the day chatting on-line and updating facebook for Jimmy and I. Jimmy's just starting his facebook, so he can use some friends, so send in your requests now before the mad rush. Oh wait, disregard the last sentences, I told Jimmy I was hard at work on the house all day, I just forgot that's what I was doing. Yeah, Yeah, that's the ticket. Tomorrow, I nanny nephews Liam and Sean, who are 4 & 6 respectively, so I have to press my Mary Poppins wardrobe tonight. Hopefully, the living room of the house will be completed in redecorating, leaving 2 rooms down 6 to go. As every homeowner knows there's always something in need of repair. With that all lined up, it should make for a late but fascinating blog tomorrow.

Cocktail of the Day: A Golden Margarita
1/3 Tequila
1/3 Grand Marnier
1/3 Real lime juice (not that Rose's crap)
Shake well over chipped ice
Serve in a frozen Martini glass
Tip: use Iced Tea shaker; More room, Makes for more cocktail

Tata for now