Hi all, I'm so sorry if I've been remiss in blogging, but with my social calender you know how it gets. I've actually been running alot and accomplishing very little, so I try to save you from my ramblings when possible, though one of my readers has accused me of having A.D.D (Yes it was Family). James is now home again from Seattle, and I've gotten to pass him once going out the door, literally (but he brought me back a mug (Hey Big Spender). I've been spending quality time with his parents while he was gone, also with his brother Tom, who's planning a huge surprise party for me (Or so he says). If you haven't gotten your invite yet don't fret there aren't any. It's one of those imaginary parties that Tom is always planning, so like those dinner benefits where you stay home and just send a donation, feel free to do so with my birthday gift.
There has been a request not to use 2 family members real names, so Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Last Friday was the only real interesting part of my weekend. My eldest brother called and invited Jimmy and me to seafood night at the Wheatley Hills Country Club. For some odd reason, we have been asked 3 times prior but each time Jimmy was out of town (coincidence I'm sure). I then received a second invite from "Tizzy"" and "Dobert" to join them for dinner. Which one to choose: the Fancy seafood at the last remaining Republican stronghold or the Sushi "I'll get the bill" restaurant. You got it, I went Fancy. This time I really needed the diversion so I gladly accepted, and was then informed that Mom and Dad were the other invitees (Boy I didn't see that one coming). I raced home on Friday afternoon and dressed myself in my best attire and arrived at the club just behind my hosts. We arrived late enough that Mother Mary already had her Dewar's and soda, making for a more entertaining night. I was greeted by several members of the club, whom I didn't know. I found out that the twin had played golf the day before with John, and had won their tournament. John didn't mind me impersonating Richard, but was steaming that I took the credit for carrying his sorry ass game. With that sorry ass attitude, I proceded to drop him as a future partner and accepted the invites to play with the other guys. I'll take photos of their faces when I hit the ball, walk 10 feet, hit the ball, walk 10 feet: that should be priceless! As much as I steered the conversation away from politics, it curiously always turned back to it. I sneezed and got "Under Obamacare, you'd be dead right now", talked about dead front lawn got "Those illegals landscapers are peeing on it". Poor victims of California fires got "Hillary just came back from there, not that I'm saying she lit them". Seriously, Dinner was lovely and brother John and Liz are warm hosts.
After dinner I checked in on Jimmy's parents and then headed off for cocktails with "Tizzy" and "Dobert". If you are ever feeling sorry for yourselves, have I got the place for you. Father Flannigan's on the east village green of Levittown. Where do I start. I had only walked in the door, and was greeted by a stranger with "You must be from Ireland". Really? Must've been my Joey Tribiano "How you doing" that gave me away. So another patron says "What part you from, my son just back from Dublin". Without saying a word, I have started a lively discussion between 2 Scotch soaked liver soon to be on the transplant waiting list guys about my Motherland. Had I been drunk, I might have gotten homesick, despite my birth home being 500 yrds from the front door. The bar wench was nice when she wasn't on the phone. Then there was "I'm to sexy for A shirt" guy. He was wearing his best Hanes Tank-top T-shirt in white of course (It's Friday night so he wears the one without the holes). He appeared to be hiding his owner personal kegger under the shirt and was able to whistle between the missing teeth. While he plays the video game, his wife keeps calling to ask when he'll be home. A. I guess there is someone for everyone. B. She misses him? C. Should she throw her boytoy she's doing at home out or not? Lastly, was the Levittown loser, which isn't easy to achieve if your familiar with Levittown (thats the name of the local softball team and the hamlet's motto). He stumbles in offering pizza for everyone. I was just wondering why there are bites out of some of the slices and what topping is green? It really is the thought that matters. Well despite the lovely company of Tizzy and Dobert's drinking buddies, I head home after 2 drinks. I explain I have to catch my plane to Ireland and skidaddle.
Last Monday, I had Liam and Sean Day. We tried for the movies, but it seems every kid and parent tried for that (It was Yom Kippur)so it was sold out. We decided to go up to the Duck Pond in Seaford and being a great outdoorsman we wandered in the the wooded preserve. We forested our way in for 20 mins. and then turned around. half way back someone went and stepped in a mud hole and twisted his ankle. YES Uncle James went Boom. I've never heard so much fear in screaming with the thought of being stranded in the woods, Thank God the boys stayed calm. But those brats can certainly whine. They only needed to drag me a 1/8 mile but made it sound like it was miles. After Jimmy brought ice packs (Not a flask to be found) and Eileen arrived to pick up the boys, I drove home and rested the ankle. The next day, I was unable to even stand on it, so I needed Mother Mary to drive out and take me for X-Rays. Yes My 70 yr old Mommy had to take me to the big bad doctor. After the "Once again you'd be dead under Obamacare" lecture, we got to the doctor. It turned out to be only a moderate strain, and once the brace was in place, I felt 90% relief. It will be 6-8 weeks recovery, but I think I'll keep the cane past that (people are much nicer when you have a deadly weapon to beat them with).
I want to wish a belated birthday to Insatiable and Fligh Attendant Paul. With Family obligations, I've been very neglectful in sending out cards. So sorry if there are tons of typos. but I'm to short of time to be anal. Hope all is well with my legions of fans, and I'll say tata for now. Support Gay Marriage, that in itself could pay for the economic recovery and sign up to be a friend of the blog, I need all the friends I can get.
Funny or Die.com Proposition 8- the musical
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